I wrote this post for my personal family blog, but I am re-posting a few parts of it here 🙂
Sometimes, the Lord prepares us early for something that is coming, because he knows we’ll need our hearts softened and time to warm up to it.
I always assumed we’d have 4 kids. 6 in our family. 2 rows on an airplane. Evenly split a dozen donuts or cookies. And on and on. That was the plan.
When I was pregnant with my 4th, I got the overwhelming feeling there was a 5th child waiting for us. What?!?! This was not in my plans. I knew there was one more baby waiting.
Even after my 4th was born, I kept trying to tell myself this would be the “last” baby, but I could never actually convince myself of that. Try as I would, I could not get over the feeling there was one more waiting for us. Waiting for me to decide. I could never get that feeling that our family was “complete,” that so many people talk about. I would look at family pictures and see that there was an empty spot for one more. The Lord was working hard on me – I could no longer deny he had one more in store for us, despite my “plans.” I’ve heard so many friends say “I wish I had one more baby” I didn’t want that regret. You’ll never regret your kids, but you may regret not having more.
When my second year (after having my 4th) checkup came around, it was now or never. (Get my IUD out) I am getting older, and I didn’t want to have a kid over 35. (Plus my husband is older than me! Ha!)… Heck – I didn’t want to have a kid over 30, but the Lord had other plans. When I called to make the appointment, they didn’t have the schedule up for that month, so they’d call me back when it was up. When they called me back, they earliest appointment was like a month later than it was supposed to be?!?? What?!?! I asked what was up with that – they claimed others were farther up the call list. Whatever. What surprised me was that I was bummed we’d have to wait a month longer….
Considering we got pregnant almost immediately after it was removed, the Lord obviously wanted this baby to come! My doctor was impressed with how fast!
We were at the temple (a spiritual place for people of the LDS religion) a week or 2 before I found out I was pregnant – knew the baby was what the Lord wanted and we’d be blessed and taken care of if we listened to his council. I am always worried about affording the kids, and with my husband’s job changing, just made me more nervous. I knew I REALLY had to trust in the Lord! I have to trust he will provide a way for us…
I’ve been so very sick this pregnancy, there is little doubt this is the last. I’ve never been so sick. The doctor was worried about twins, because it was not normal for me to be so ill. It had been a big struggle and challenge. Now, at 5 months, It is still bad – not as bad, but I am still not feeling great a majority of the time. Guess that is why the Lord sent this kid last. The others were not even a fraction this bad. Yeah… this one has been terribly miserable. I keep asking my husband if my 9 months are up yet. Somedays I can barely function, which makes it hard to care for a family. My husband working from home has been a huge blessing for the kids and I. It also has lead to depression. I get depressed being so sick and not being able to do my normal activities. It has been a real struggle for me lately. I see why people who are sick get depressed. It is depressing. I am honestly still surprised I survived vacation. Going to church for 3 hours, has been quite the feat most Sundays… It’s been a very difficult few months. You always hear about depression after pregnancy, but I hadn’t heard much about it during pregnancy.
So that is our new and exciting news! Half way through! Can’t wait to meet this new little one (and to feel better – sickness go AWAY!)