This is the 3rd time I’ve tried to write this post. The first one, I started months ago when this started. I can’t read it without anxiety and reliving it all again. The 2nd attempt, just was too long, too much. We’ll see if I can do better this try! (hint: it’s still long)
Part of me wasn’t sure I should even write this. However, I’ve decided that since I don’t know anyone close by that has experienced similar issues, I thought I would let others that may experience something similar, know that they are not alone. People always pray that all they want is a healthy baby (but then manage to comment on the gender *eye roll*). What happens when that doesn’t happen? Or it doesn’t go as you thought?
So here we go. Our last few months:
I never thought I’d have six kids. I wasn’t sure I even wanted one. I am not a “kid” person. Well, turns out I like my kids just fine (apparently, I am just not big on other kids…). I thought we’d be done at 4. I was 30, I was done. Then I felt strongly there was a 5th. Took quite a bit of convincing on that! I always knew he’d be a boy… He is a handful, but a joy. I am so glad we had that extra baby!
Ever since #5 came, I’ve had a VERY strong impression there was a #6. Well, I was not on board with this! Nope! I was done at 4. I had 5! 6, yeah no….
Then I just felt so strongly that there was one more boy for our Family. The feeling wouldn’t stop or go away. There was a 6th waiting for me and I couldn’t keep denying it.
Finally, I decided it’s trust in the Lord, and take that leap. If he had one more boy for us, I’d better get on it, because I am not getting any younger! I knew we’d need his guidance just to take that leap, because I was VERY unsure.
Little did I know how much we’d really need the Lord’s help and guidance.
(Side note: as I said, I knew I’d be a boy. I’ve known for awhile that kid #1 would be the only girl. We’ve always told her this. She expected it, because we always told her she’d have brothers – just ask her. So any “Poor Sabrina” or “that’s a lot of boys!” Or “were you trying for another girl?” are just plain ANNOYING – so don’t say them, ok?)
After awhile, I got excited at the idea of one more. What’s 6 when you already have 5? We can do this! I can’t wait to hold this little guy!!
I initially turned down the genetic blood test, but I had a strong feeling at my second doctor’s appointment that I should do it. So I changed my mind and had the test.
Plus you find out the gender early. My doctor thought it was so funny when I said “Might as well find out it’s a boy sooner!” She found it amusing I was so certain. She told me the nurse would call with the results.
This was just before Thanksgiving. It was supposed to take a week, but I thought it may take longer, with the holiday.
The Monday after Thanksgiving, the doctor’s office comes up on my phone. I excitedly answered the phone.
It was the doctor’s voice.
Not the nurse’s.
Doctor’s don’t call unless something is wrong.
She gave me the news. I wrote notes.
I then went into Joseph’s office to tell him. Then I had to sit down because I felt light-headed.
We spent the next hour researching. We felt better with more information.
No, we don’t plan to tell people what the issue is – so don’t ask. It is not something we’d have ever known about without the test, until he was much older. Some never find out. So it was a blessing to find out early to get the help early! Knowledge is power right?!? Or that’s what I keep telling myself.
It occurs in 1 in 750 births (It may be more common, since many don’t know they have it).
It is NOT genetic. It is random. Does not have to do with maternal age.
Random.
They wanted us to talk to a genetic counselor.
I had such an awful, horrible experience with the receptionists at the genetic counselor’s office that I ended up in tears at my doctor’s office – something I’d normally never do (if you know me, you’d know how unusual this would be!). It led to some extreme anxiety. Let’s face it, I’ve been living with anxiety pretty much since that phone call. Needless to say, we canceled that appointment, since the doctor and I determined it wasn’t essential. My doctor felt awful about the way I was treated. It lead to the extreme anxiety I blogged about a few months ago – pretty much if you’ve seen me in public for the last few months, count yourself lucky, because it has been a struggle to just leave the house and see people most of the time.
I went into our first ultrasound with lots of anxiety. After the ultrasound, the tech said everything looked perfect. I don’t think he knew how much we needed to hear that! I think I exhaled for the first time in months!
We left for Hawaii the next week. We told the kids while in Hawaii. They were thrilled. Hawaii was exactly what I needed. I spent an entire week with NO anxiety. Bliss! I didn’t want to leave! Who knew when I booked that trip almost a year earlier how much I’d need it at that exact time?!
Apparently, a few of the pictures of the ultrasound weren’t clear enough, so I needed a follow-up. My doctor assured me this was normal and not to worry. Happens all the time.
I went to the second ultrasound on Valentine’s Day – with the high-risk doctor – by myself, thinking It would be quick/no big deal and Joseph needed to be home for shuttling kids to/from schools.
They were able to find everything that was missing/unclear in the first ultrasound, except a kidney. Everything else looked fine. The doctor came in and they looked and looked. They couldn’t find the kidney.
She told me that it seems the kidney isn’t there. She said the kidney could be in the wrong spot, it could not have moved into position yet (did you know kidneys moved?), it could be blocked by the bowel, or it could be the baby’s position. However, She was guessing that the kidney simply wasn’t there. Man, I was sore from all the searching they did for that kidney!
Guess what? Apparently, 1 in 750 people are born with just one kidney.
It’s random. Not genetic. Does not have to do with maternal age.
Seriously?!? This kid should not freaking gamble.
My doctor at my next appointment told me: “I feel like I am telling you this hard stuff all the time, but not to worry because it isn’t as bad as it sounds, and it will be ok.”
Then I got to thinking that is what the Lord tells us often. He tells us/sends us on these trials, but we have to trust in him that it’ll be ok. We just have to place our trust in him.
I knew going into this that we’d have to rely on him. I mean this whole thing was a leap of faith to start with. Man! Little did I know how much….
When it was time for the Gestational Diabetes test, I thought for sure I’d fail – I mean with everything else…
Well, that actually went fine. *Phew* Something went well! I was pretty happy about that!
Slow down! You know it can’t stay that way longer than a week.
Go to my next doctor’s appointment after that test. Apparently, my blood pressure was up. Bleepty Bleep! I have historically low blood pressure. Off to the lab for yet more blood work (up to 8 vials this month alone) and to pee in a cup. I Worry the whole way home.
Get a message when I get home that everything was in normal range – *phew* What a Relief!
Not so fast! I get a call the next day saying that a second round did find a trace of protein. &$@%+#!!!!!. Head back to the lab for next step.
Let me tell you, you have not lived until they give you jugs to collect ALL your urine in for 24hrs (with VERY strict directions). Not only that, it has to be kept in the fridge. Ugh. Thank goodness for garage fridge. Yeah, that is a nice package to drop off at the lab – “Here! Enjoy gallons of my urine!” At least it is semi-amusing.
I couldn’t do it for a few days, because you couldn’t have vitamins in your system for at least 24+ hrs. Yeah, they tell you to take them everyday. So I had to wait… I just wanted answers, so waiting to collect my urine for a day (I had to be home all day to do it too), was surprisingly hard – I just wanted it done.
In the middle of that, was finally the 32-week ultrasound. Because just waiting for that and hopefully answers wasn’t anxiety-ridden enough. How would everything be in there?!? Would they find the kidney? Will everything else be ok?!?
The bad news: They still couldn’t find a kidney. We will have to have an ultrasound after he is born, but the high-risk doctor sees no evidence of a kidney anywhere on that side.
The good news: Everything else looks healthy, including the other kidney. She was very positive and upbeat about all the results. She said even with one kidney, they expect normal life/average lifespan.
He is actually measuring big – which makes me laugh because my doctor was JUST saying how small I am and that he may be small 🤣🤣 I told her she was wrong, just look at my other babies and I’m always this small. Ha! I get that every pregnancy… Now she’ll see I was right (she is new this pregnancy, since my old doctor moved 😢)
Can I just say how much I loved my ultrasound tech? He was older and very experienced and talked me through everything. So positive, nice, and reassuring. Just a happy person who enjoys his job. He has the same birthday as the baby’s due date too. Deciding to do all the high-risk stuff here (even though the doctor’s schedule in coming here is VERY limited – twice a month. The tech does work here though – we’ve had him for other kids) than dealing with those awful receptionists in Eugene was so the best decision!!
So you make now be asking – what about the pee?!? Can’t leave us in the dark about your gallons of urine!
Well, after dropping my gallons of urine off at the lab (yay for no more pee in my fridge!!), I anxiously waited by the phone on Friday. Nothing…. I assumed I might hear something on Monday then.
Again. If you’re doctor calls on the weekend, it’s not a good sign…
I had a feeling. This kid really wants to be sure he is the baby for good!! Since my doctor didn’t have my records in front of her, she asked if I’d had it before – nope! She said: “Man! You’re really running through it all with this kid!!” Yeah – that may be an understatement!
I have mild pre-eclampsia (it’s mild until it’s bad and you immediately deliver). I now need to be at the doctor’s twice a week for monitoring. I have to take my blood pressure twice a day at home. The only cure is delivery and there is nothing I can do about reducing symptoms/make things better.
She said we will deliver in the next 4 weeks – if we make it 4 weeks. We hope to make it 4 more weeks, but she says it can change at any moment. Any time… Fingers crossed for at least 2 more weeks so we can deliver here and no (hopefully) NICU stay.
So basically anytime between now and 4 weeks from now, he will be born.
We are 33 weeks now. We are hoping to get to 37 weeks (37 weeks = full term). Praying we make it to 37 weeks. We may do some steroid injections to help his lungs (they are consulting on that now). She said if we make it to 37 weeks, we’ll induce, because we’d be pushing our luck past that.
I was kind of hoping to wait until he was born to announce to most people. I thought it would be amusing to just show up at church with a new baby. (I totally wrote that before someone said it on Facebook. Hahaha! Some people know me well 😉).
But he could be here anytime between now and 4 weeks from now, so I guess that is close enough to delivery. Plus, at this point, we could use all the prayers we can get!
So there ya go! My life the last few months!
