Freedom & Happiness

This may be a longer post…

So It has been a difficult year for me. Having kids on wildly different schedules. A newborn, a toddler that never seems to freaking sleep, a teenager that goes to seminary – not to mention the 3 other kids. It has been an incredibly difficult school year that some days I am shocked I managed to get through.

Plus, with having a baby (and 5 other kids), it was hard to keep up on top of the clutter, housework, etc. and it was getting to me. I couldn’t even use my laptop without a baby trying to type on it (he is asleep right now – we’ll see how long that lasts)

On top of it all, we had been trying to move. It is no big secret, as my 8 year old seemed to tell everyone that we were hoping to move. I wanted a bigger house and a bigger yard.

Now I thought this post would be us announcing our move. That is not what this post is.

We have been wanting to move to Florida (Orlando Area) for a couple of years now. With Joseph working from home, we can live anywhere! Seriously, why stay here?!?! Why not live next to Disney? (gosh, writing that makes to re-think this choice. Probably how this all got started in the first place….) Then we had kid #6, and all the issues that came with that (but oh what a wonderful blessing he is!!! He was planned, but no one plans for issues).

After the hard year, I kept thinking: “You only live once! Go for it!” So we started looking at houses. We found lots of houses! We almost put in an offer on one, but then contacted the Bishop of the ward it was in, and realized how long of a drive to the church/seminary/school it would be (it was more in the country) and decided that house wasn’t for us.

Then we found the PERFECT floor plan. They were going to release and sell lots for a new development. Great price, good size, a decent lot. Everything. We were ALL set up (down to financing approval) to put money down to start building when they opened up the pre-sales. Only they didn’t open up the lots we wanted. Ugh. They did not release the lot we wanted, but they ended up selling it to another person who flew from NYC the day they started pre-selling because she didn’t realize they were not releasing the lot – but since she flew all that way, their management decided to go ahead and sell it to her. Yeah…

Then we found a house in a PERFECT location (6 minutes to church , 3 to school, 15 to Disney, 15 to the temple). It was a large home, on a decent size lot, that backed up to trees. Perfect. We got pre-approved for it… Then…

I couldn’t do it. Something that I wanted for so long, and I couldn’t do it. Let me explain:

I wanted a bigger house. I wanted a new place, new experiences. I’ve wanted to move for years. It is a desire in me to wander. Wanderlust. However, after each time we were let down on a house, I started thinking of ways to make this house more efficient for us. Make it work better for us now. And when I started thinking about doing those things, I got happy and excited. But I put that out of my mind because I wanted to move. I wanted a new house. I wanted a bigger yard (why, I’m not sure because we hate yard work – ha!) I wanted something different. So why was I not jumping at this? Why can’t I jump and do this thing I’ve wanted to do for so long??

I also am extremely frugal with money. I save, save, save – so we can do things like travel. So moving to a bigger house, would have expenses: moving costs, higher utility bills, higher mortgage, etc. etc. All things we could afford, but then we wouldn’t have the money to save as much or travel as much, as that money would be going into keeping up the house. The stress of spending that extra money on a house was getting to me. Especially when our home is big enough. Could it be bigger and work better for our family’s needs? Yeah. Could it have a bigger yard? Heck yeah. But that will probably always be the case with any house.

What do I value more in life? Experiences traveling and doing things with my children or having a big house? When it came down to it, I value those experiences. I LOVE having the financial freedom living well below our means provides for us at the moment. It brings me security and less stress.

Last night, when I tearfully, finally admitted to myself and my husband (who was willing to move wherever I wanted so I’d be happy) that having that financial security was what I valued the most. Being able to travel. That doing a few things to this house actually made me excited and happy again. I felt like a huge weight was lifted. I had made the decision but just didn’t want to admit that staying was right, when all I’ve wanted to do for so long is move. The stress I had felt the last few months TRYING and STRESSING over how to make the move work was gone. How to juggle everything involved with moving and make it line up perfectly, was gone. I felt that I finally made the right decision after such agony in trying to make it work.

So then I wondered why did I even have to stress and put so much work into this entire move thing to only end up exactly where we are? What the heck was the point of all of this?!?!

As we were talking and pondering, my husband referenced this talk

THIS. 100% this. This is exactly why I went through this exercise. I had to know we were on the right path for the moment. I needed to see that it was ok if we were here a few more years. I needed to see I can be happy and excited here and not constantly be thinking about and wanting to move. Sometimes we have to explore an incorrect path to realize we are on the right one. Even watching the video now brings tears to my eyes. It makes sense now. I know there is a plan for us and I know it’s better than what I could plan for us.

My original plan was to move to Florida in 2 years when Sabrina was done with high school. I honestly have no idea how I got into moving this year, other than that whole “you only live once” thing got into my head and I started to think, well, let’s just do it now! Why the heck are we waiting? Honestly, I don’t know why we are waiting. I wish I could tell you, but apparently NOW is not the right time. And I am ok with that. I am happy and at peace with that for the first time in a really long time. I think I needed this to see how blessed I am. I have wanted to move for so long, and it was within my grasp, but it wasn’t right….

However, all bets are off in 2 years!! HA! Florida (or possibly Germany!) here we come! (in 2ish years)

Now excuse me while I hit up Lowes for a BUNCH of projects I am planning for the house. I don’t think I can even get them all done this summer, as my mind is just RACING with ideas!! I am excited about them all. It feels REALLY good! It is nice to feel excited and happy about it again. Instead of stressed and worried about how to make it all work out.

I also have some BIG travel plans. Oh yeah. My mind is racing with those. Be ready for some updates on that soon. I’ve already got some in the works!!

(FYI – we have a 5 bedroom home with a living room, dining room, dinette, family room, etc. So we do not live in a tiny house. Small yard, but not a tiny house by any means.)

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